


Fighting for Hope

by thesmolbean16



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, One Shot, rogue - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 07:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10894623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesmolbean16/pseuds/thesmolbean16
Summary: Jyn Erso has been missing nearly 6 months and Casssian is not dealing well, but is she really gone? Or is she just hiding?





	Fighting for Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone so I wrote this as a sort of carry on from Did we really survive but its in Cassians perceptive which is really fun to write with. I hope you enjoy it and leave a comment so I can improve. Thanks for reading!

Everyone spoke about her in the past tense, like she was dead but she's not I don't believe it. The telegram was still on my floor when it fell from my grip, 

"Jyn Erso is missing in action. Presumed _dead_."

**But it didn't say is** , that presumed kept my flame of hope alive and I feel that if I let that flame die then I'd die with it. Kay watched me now because of what happened after I got that telegraph. Drinks and a blaster trained at my temple, yes the rebellion was my cause but what's a cause without something to fight for and she is my reason. But I couldn't pull the trigger because of that word "presumed" that **if** , I'd never lived in ifs my world was black and white but she was that grey that I couldn't just forget. 

 

"How are you today Cassian?" Kay asks, his eyes watching me shrewdly analysing every movement but I had been at this game longer and I could hide my feelings better than even the General.

"I'm okay Kay just tired." Tired of living this life.

"We still haven't been awarded a mission but Chirrut wants to see you. About..." he doesn't finish the sentence but I know what it’s about. Even Kay won't say her name with me around. I try to keep my feelings hidden but I know he notices the tension in my grip and the way I breathe quicker when her name is said. Before Scarif she was just part of the team, **“welcome home”** I said adopting her to my family. But, but then there was that moment in the lift where I looked at her and I could see an entire life with children running round, teaching us how to be human and not the weapons the rebellion made us as.

“Does the General still think I’m unstable?”

“There’s a78.9 percent chance you would let yourself die on a mission , the General thinks you’re better alive and as do I.” Kay’s strides match mine a we stalk towards Chirrut’s and Baze's room, they were oddly quiet lately, Baze especially was taking the news of Jyn disappearing badly. We all are, Bodhi has just gone on a mission to get away from this sadness.

“Cassian we have news of Jyn.” Chirrut says opening his door before we even reach, Baze grumbling in the room sighing at whatever he will say.

“Chirrut if it’s something to do with how the force is telling you she’s alive then I'm not falling for it.” I sigh, stepping in to their messy room, Baze’s guns laying everywhere and a mat on the floor for Chirruts meditation.

“The force has gone quiet on Jyn, I don't sense her anymore, It might be time to accept her death.” I walk out at that, if the force even said she was gone what would my hope do but weigh me down. Maybe she was dead maybe she was shot but who did she think of in those final moments? Would she think of me, would she regret us not being more than friends? She left while I was still in hospital, my spine repairing and she was out on another mission and then went dark. A week at first and then a month and then three and now it’s been six, half a year. Could you deal with being away from someone you care so deeply about? 

But the idea of the force being the one thing that kept my hope alive and now it told us she was dead. How could she be dead? She was too indestructible to die; she was more indestructible than me. 

I go to grab my coat but the hook is empty, she took it with her on the mission. Slipping out of my grasp in the bed and grabbing my coat. She threw it over her shoulders and letting it dwarf her small, strong frame. “I’m going to go back to my room; do you want me to stay?” But I let her go, pretending to sleep with my eyes tightly shut, I wish I never let her go.

“Cassian maybe you should talk about what you’re feeling.” Baze mutters, grabbing my arm his brows scrunched up. But I shake my arm away and storm to Leia. If someone is as angry as me and cheers me up its Leia.

I storm into her office; she dismisses her assistant and stares at me measuring my expression. Ever since Jyn went Leia was the one who didn’t ask me what’s wrong just gave me something to do and told me to grow up. Now she’d become a sister to me. “Cassian you’re moping again and I hate it. You’re a solider people go missing and die deal with it.

“She’s not just people she is the death star in a person she’s angry and broken and indestructible and she’s coming back I know it. _I can feel it_.” Leia sighs and sits gracefully on her desk, top secret mission reports scattered over it. She stares at her feet a long time, the tension in the air rising between us. Her regal composure looking casual compared to the bent physique of her and the twisted yet gentle expression.

“She’s not coming back Cassian. Jyn is dead. She rescued a child on her mission and as she gave the child to her mother Jyn was shot. Cassian Jyn is dead.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper, my words trembling and betraying how I feel.

“How could I destroy your hope? Rebellions are built on hope and the General wouldn’t let me. He said without your hope that we would lose you.”

“You just have.” I will my legs to move forward but they don’t move at all instead they betray y body and keep me rooted to the spot, my heart dropping to my feet weighing them down. But my mind was racing ahead. Jyn and dead do not go together. She can’t be dead, she can’t die.

“Why can’t you just accept it? She’s dead Cassian don’t give up on us because you have lost someone. We all have.”

“Because like you said I have no hope and no cause without something to fight for and I-I

_I love her.”_

 


End file.
